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The Day I Crushed My Kid (About a Dog)

Last Monday was pretty hard on my son Colt.

Over the weekend, we found a dog roaming around town, and she followed us home. She was hungry, so we fed her. And she stayed for two nights while we tracked down her collars.

Just a quick PSA for all dog owners out there, have your dogs either microchipped or have a collar securely fastened with current contact information. This particular dog, who seemed clean and well-cared-for-, was missing all of that.

“Molly” won my son’s heart. She bonded with him over fetch and tennis balls, kisses, snuggling, the works.

So on Monday night, when a Facebook post finally showed up on a community forum, and I was able to identity the owners so I could take her home, Colt was in tears.

Beyond tears. Emotionally wrecked.

He loved that dog.

I took Molly home to some grateful owners. Afterwards, I had to have the talk with Colt about how important it is to return things that don’t belong to us – no matter what it is – because there is a grateful owner waiting to be reunited with it. Even a dog that we’ve come to love.

I felt like I had wrecked him. Like a sad core memory had replaced the happy ones of her being around. In doing the right thing, my son was hurting profusely beyond what I had ever seen before.

It sucked.

The next day, I took him to the library and we looked at books of dog breeds. He clearly wanted an Australian Shepherd just like “Molly” because she played with him. After introducing each breed, he would ask, “will he play ball with me?”

Our Ruby girl, a boxer lab mix who was a rescue after some pretty serious maltreatment issues, does NOT play with the kids or toys. So I knew he really wanted a dog to play with to be his buddy.

So now we’re on the search for the perfect dog for him. One that will play and be a good addition to our home.

I still can’t help but feel like I damaged my kid somehow, but I knew some other pet parents would be equally affected if Molly wasn’t returned safe and sound. We did the right thing, even though it hurt immensely.

Why Homeschooling is On the Rise

I think I may have some answers as to why homeschooling is on the rise. These reasons are completely non-scientific and haven’t been tested, but they’re definitely reasons why our family has chosen to homeschool our six youngsters.

Less Chaos & Expense

When we looked into the future with the ages of our kids, we knew there was going to be an element of chaos. All six kids would be in 3-4 different schools all at the same time. We added up school supply expenses per kid, and you know what was the breaking point? Buying 6 packs of markers, when 1 pack of markers could be shared among the kids at home. Yup. Markers. A $3.47 box of markers had turned into a $20.82 expense. And that was just the markers, not to mention backpacks, cases, binders, paper, graphing calculators, etc.

Then there was the travel element. There is a school bus system in place where we live out in the country, but in these times, I’m not letting my children stand out in the freezing cold a half mile down the road to stand there, waiting for someone to pick them up when I know at any moment they could get abducted by a stranger driving by. I suppose there’s the argument that I could sit there with the car running with them, but let’s face it. Vehicles sitting on the side of the road are targets, as well. People stopping to ask if you’re okay or if you need roadside assistance, people needlessly calling the sheriff to address a car in distress (since they don’t know you’re just sitting there waiting for the bus) and basic accidents – too many people texting and not seeing cars on the side of the road. You’re likely to get hit.

If we chose to drive our kids to school, I’d have to drop all them all off at 3 different schools at different times. That’s a 20 minute drive into town, and an additional 10-15 minutes per kid at each drop-off, since they now require you to go through some funnel of cones to drop your kid off at the door. We’d spend an hour and a half just doing this for all the kids, and that’s just in the morning. We’d have to do it all over again in the afternoon. No thanks. Then there’s the gas money. Think of all the gas that is being used to cart kids just to school. Pass.

The Authentic, Well-Educated, Passionate Teacher is Gone (Or Diminishing)

I can speak from experience – my mother had her master’s degree in elementary education and taught for over 35 years. She was national teacher of the year one year back in the 90’s. In high school, I helped her with her lesson plans as part of my own education (out-of-school applied learning program). I saw the attitudes of other teachers, heard the gossip, how they talked about children, their parents, listened to how they talked to each other and about the school system, and what was consistently broken about it.

I have a confession and observation for you. My mother was an extremely talented, passionate teacher who elevated her students. But she was a horrible person on the inside and a terrible, judgmental and passive-aggressive mother behind the scenes.

These days, after getting a more current inside view of the teacher/district system, are far worse. There’s bullying, politics, disagreements about education methods and gifted kids are misunderstood in their demonstration of boredom for ADHD.

Teachers, from what I’ve seen and experienced in the past few years, aren’t as passionate about the career choice they’ve selected. Few have master’s degrees. Many choose not to pursue additional training or research other methods of training. Many made the choice for the summers off and seemingly easy job. They view it as a glorified babysitting position with union benefits. The effects of “it’s just a job” mentality have rubbed off on our kids in general in a negative way.

I can see their own inadequacies to take on the role of a teacher in a basic email or Facebook post. “I am your students new Kindergarten teacher.” Possessive punctuation was taught in grade school. This was the first sentence in the first email I had received from a homeschool online teacher. Let’s just say it didn’t foster confidence in her abilities.

What I saw happening to the public and private school systems from a teacher perspective led us to have the difficult conversation of having me take on our children’s education. I know not every parent out there is in a place to homeschool their kids or would even want to take that on. But if you’re in a position to, and deeply care about how your children see and experience the world and how they go about learning skills, then I highly recommend homeschooling.

Schools are No Longer Safe Places for Learning

Schools are built for a sole purpose. Learning. Education. Schools are not intended for social accolades or establishing friends and networks. They’re built for the purpose of educating and providing skills. Gaining social skills is just one little aspect of a school. Unfortunately, we’ve become a society that has put more focus on society within school instead of education. For that reason, as well, we kept our kids at home to educate them.

We decided that our kids could establish friends outside of school, through martial arts, sports, church and other arts programs. They didn’t need the stresses of between-class bullying, lunchtime drama, or unsupervised recesses.

We’ve seen an increase of incidents of inappropriate sexual contact with children, including molestation, intercourse, child pornography, and favoritism within the school systems. Our family wanted no part of that – and were not willing to take the risk of putting our children into the hands of strangers.

At home, school is just a basic part of our day. We sit down at the table and I’m able to sit with each of my children 1:1 to help them with their learning. I can see firsthand what they’re struggling with and what content they’re learning about. They look forward to school – there’s no stress, and I know they’re safe.

Conclusion

I realize that this post is full of opinion and has our own observations and perceptions. Perhaps you agree with some or all of what I’ve expressed, and perhaps you disagree. That’s totally up to you. I know there are good, ethical and passionate teachers still out there. But scoring the same quality of teacher year after year is most likely an anomaly. There was once a time where we could say that could happen; it’s just not so anymore.

10 Things I Have Done to Bring Peace to My Soul After Miscarriage

All of my babies are rainbow babies. If you’re not familiar with the term “rainbow baby”, it is a baby that is born following a miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal death or infant loss. In the real world, a beautiful and bright rainbow follows a storm and gives hope of things getting better. I have 3 rainbow babies, and 2 sunshine babies. (Three kids altogether that are mine!)

I have had several miscarriages, and to be honest with you, it has taken over 15 years for me to gather up the courage to write about my experience with miscarriage. My first one was in 2000. My last miscarriage was in 2015. I’ve had two marriages in that span of time.

I wanted to share 10 things I have done to bring peace to my soul having experienced several miscarriages in my life, and I want this blog to be a place where we can talk about it openly. I don’t think any woman really gets over having a miscarriage. The hurt, loss and sadness is always there – it doesn’t seem to matter how long time has passed. If you asked me about the miscarriage back in 2000, I’d still tear up over it and end up sobbing in the bathroom.

10 Things:

  1. I find a way to be grateful. Gratitude has a way of changing the hormones so you can’t really feel anything else other than gratitude for what you DO have. And I’m grateful to have the three kids I do have.
  2. I remember that with loss is an opportunity to share the experience with others – to have a bond and a connection with others that have shared the same experience. You become part of a tribe, whether you participate or not. You belong.
  3. I have made art and crafts around the babies I have lost. The projects are mine and have a secret message on the back that only I know. I keep the meaning tucked away in my will with my attorney so it can be read to my surviving children or relatives.
  4. I have planted trees in their memory, and every time I visit them I remember them. They bloom a bit brighter in the spring than the others. Perhaps it’s the conversations we’ve had together or the tender care they receive.
  5. I smile more with my surviving kids. There is no sadness when I’m with them.
  6. I talk to my husband about them. I let him know my sadness so that there is compassion and empathy for when I’m sad, wishing for more children.
  7. I remember I’ll see them in heaven. It’s only a matter of years.
  8. Every year, on their death anniversary, I do something special for ME – a manicure, pedicure, buy something new to wear, or make a Christmas ornament for the tree in their honor.
  9. I took up exercise to increase my endorphins to combat the sadness with happiness.
  10. I remember that the miscarriage was not my fault and there was nothing I could have done. It was out of my hands and in the hands of a higher power. And while I’m still trying to get my arms around it, the guilt has subsided.

I hope you can take some of these things and work them into your grief management skills and activities so that you, too, can have peace around your own miscarriage experience. Love the children that you can. Hold them, hug them (even if they’re not yours) because that’s what they need. Be present with the ones that are still with you.

Hugs…

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